Seven Steps for Parents Who Love an Adult with a Mental Illness 

One of the hardest things to witness is seeing a loved one in pain and not being able to do anything about it because they won’t accept your help. There are multiple reasons why they might refuse your help - denial, shame, anosognosia (inability to recognise they are ill) or poor understanding of mental health. 

It is important to remember that change can happen, and recovery is reachable. It’s a hard journey for all, but there are some steps to begin this journey and make a positive change in your loved ones’ lives. 

1. Just listen.

Don’t correct them or try to change the way they are thinking; just listen. Just because you are listening doesn’t mean you know or agree with what they’re saying, but it shows that you are trying to understand them. One of the biggest barriers for those suffering from mental illnesses is not being fully understood. Empathise with their emotions. 

2. You are both working together.

Often they can feel like everyone is against them. Show them that you are on their side and you’re working together as a team. Don’t tell them what they should be doing or what you think would work best; instead, work together and find solutions. '

3. Accept that someone else might be better at helping them.

Depending on your relationship at the current moment, you might not be the best person for them. These circumstances put a lot of strain on relationships, so it’s completely okay if they don’t want to talk to you about it. Think of people they do trust and connect well with and consider if they might be more accepting of help from them. 

4. What do they need?

Ask them what they need to feel safe. Will they consider counselling or therapy? Do they need to discuss their problems aside from their mental illness? They might not know what they want. It’s at this point you can work together to conclude what they want to feel safer within themselves and the first step they feel comfortable taking. 

5. Always be there.

Sometimes you just need to be there. They might not be ready or stable to accept what’s going on, and at this point, it’s best to ensure them that you will always be there with open arms. Whether they need loving or whether they just want to be listened to. They may refuse this, but deep down, it’s important they know you love and are there for them. 

6. Don’t tolerate abuse.

Emotional and physical control can be hard, which can result in lashing out in violence or verbal abuse. Even though you’re there for them, they need to be aware that this sort of behaviour is not okay. You may just need to give them space or kindly explain that you love and care for them, but you won’t allow them to speak to you in a certain manner; however, if you’re concerned that they’re distressed and at risk of physical harm to others or themselves, then taking further action, like taking them to an emergency ward will be needed. 

7. You might be helping them, but make sure there is someone helping you.

Don’t do this alone. This is a hard and stressful time, and it’s likely to take its toll on you. This is understandable. It’s a lot of pressure to take on for one individual, so make sure you have someone to talk to or find a support group of people going through a similar thing. Mental illness recovery is a slow and challenging process for all involved, so accept any help you need and make sure you aren’t going through this alone.